The 5 People Pregnant Women Meet in the Grocery Store – Angie’s Preggo Guide
August 4, 2015
When you’re pregnant, the people around you treat you differently.
Granted, a lot of this might be in my head because I’m huge and hormonal, but after some recent grocery store interactions I’ve come to notice that there are 5 different types of people a pregnant woman encounters on a regular basis:
1. The Grandmas
They look at me like I’m the cutest puppy they’ve ever seen. There’s usually a head-cock involved and an “awe,” as if my waddling, pregnant body was somehow transparent and they could see right through to the actual cute thing.
I have to be careful with the grandma’s though because they’re usually the touchers. They’ll go straight for the belly, sometimes without warning.
I legit had a woman across from me in an aisle, and before she walked away she reached out and gave a sort-of tongue click followed by an endearing, “ohh,” before she moved along.
They also LOVE telling me about their children and grandchildren and don’t hold back their opinions on names and suggestions.
2. The Teenagers
Seriously, they all give me a look like they just finished sex ed. and I could fall down and go into labor at any minute.
They’re awkward and try to avoid eye contact, and strain to avoid looking at my belly!
In conversation they’re even more awkward, usually just avoiding the topic altogether or trying to be polite but having no idea what to say.
For example, I asked for help out with my groceries the other day, and the cashier had no problem asking away about my pregnancy. The teenage bag-boy just quietly bagged as we talked and then helped me out to my car. When I opened the back, our fishing stuff was in the way and he said, “oh, you guys been doing some fishing lately? Well, not you… probably,” *insert more awkward mumbling,* “Does someone fish?”
I smirked. Yes, someone fishes, I thought sarcastically. But I didn’t want to make him feel more awkward than he already did in my presence. “Yeah, my husband’s big into fishing and I go with him a few times a week.”
“Oh, that’s cool,” he replied, then closed the door and all but sprinted back to the store, arms swinging and everything.
3. The Professional Women
This one could very well be all in my head, but I am the last kind of person a professional woman wants to see. Pregnant women could be invisible for all they know. They walk past with their important jobs on their minds, thinking of what yoga class to attend tonight after they return to their simplistic, sophisticated apartment that’s no doubt full of sharp edges and not a single toy.
And let’s just not beat around the bush here – it is probably because I stare at them longingly, wishing I still fit into cute matching clothes and walked with my legs close together, that they are so eager NOT to make eye contact and to walk away as quickly as possible. For all, I know these women just left a PTA meeting and have 5 kids of their own. But I waddle past them like a cavewoman and try not to let out a moan or sneeze and pee my pants in front of them, and I daydream about what it must be like to not park my full kids car-cart outside of the bathroom and take my toddler into the handicap stall to pee for the 32nd time that day.
4. Moms with tons of kids
Beware of the moms with kids. They will make you second-guess every decision you’ve made regarding pregnancy and parenting, mostly because they will volunteer every piece of advice and complaint they have. For example: One woman who had several kids in tow asked me, “Tired of being pregnant yet?” as I passed her in the cereal aisle. “I’m getting there,” I replied while quickly trying to scurry past. Then she said, “I’ve been there…seven times!” She kind of gave exasperated looks at the 4 or 5 kids she had with her as she said that, as if it were somehow their fault she needed 2 carts at the grocery store.
“Bless your heart!” I replied.
Oh, but she didn’t stop there.
“Are you having a boy or a girl?” she asked. I told her I was having a boy and she replied, “Been there done that, too!” I kind of smiled and nodded, and then we had one of those awkward moments where I kept pushing my cart down the aisle but she kept talking and I wasn’t sure if she was still talking to me but then I heard her say, “And summer pregnancies are the worst, I’ve also been there!” And I kind of yelled over my shoulder, “Ain’t that the truth!”
And then I suddenly realized (or imagined) that all of her kids were covered in peanut butter and crying while hanging onto her every limb, and she looked 20 years older than the first time I glanced at her and I thought, “Oh man, what am I getting myself into.”
Just keep walking, Ange.
5. Other pregnant women
I’m not the only one on this crazy train!
We walk past each other and, at the very least, offer a smile and head-nod out of solidarity, but it’s likely we’ll stop and chat a bit about the exclusive preggo club we’ve both joined.
We don’t even care that we literally block the entire aisle with our kids’ car-carts and huge watermelon-sized baby bumps. You can just go RIGHT around us, businesswoman! We’ve got to compare doctors, birth plans, husband woes, breastfeeding plans, the best baby carriers, and baby names right here and now in the dairy section… until one of us has to pee, then we quickly say “it was so nice meeting you, good luck with everything, I’m sure it will go great!” And then sprint to the nearest bathroom.
So this 34th week of pregnancy, I’ve decided it’s probably best to let my husband do, or at least come along for, the grocery shopping.
Do you have any funny pregnancy shopping experiences? Of course, you do! Share it with me below!
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