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To The Woman Who Wants A Baby

This week on the Owlet blog we’re recognizing National Infertility Awareness Week. We hope that we can raise awareness of infertility and provide hope and support to families struggling with infertility. This is a guest post from Danielle of Today’s The Best Day.

About 6% of married women 15–44 years of age in the United States are unable to get pregnant after one year of unprotected sex (infertility). Also, about 12% of women 15–44 years of age in the United States have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term, regardless of marital status (impaired fecundity). {Stats found here}

It isn’t easy.

It isn’t easy putting on a smile at baby showers, when deep inside you are really hurting.

It isn’t easy going on Facebook and seeing {what seems like ALL of} your friends announcing they are pregnant with cute baby bump pictures.

It isn’t easy seeing other women taking their role as a mother for granted.

In fact, it isn’t easy, so you fall on your knees every night, praying…pleading…BEGGING that you will be able to have a baby of your own soon.

If you know what I am talking about…THIS is for you…

To The Woman Who Wants To Have A Baby:

I want you to know that I see you. And that I am going through exactly what you are going through too.

You know – smiling on the outside, but hurting on the inside?

I have been thinking a lot about you recently, as I have been asked the questions, “When are you going to have another one?” and “You know she is almost three – it is overdue for your second.”

And suddenly all of my emotions from fertility treatments come racing back and I get nervous. I get anxious. My heart longs to hold a newborn baby. My body aches to feel a kick inside of me. And tears fill my eyes as I realize what a struggle it is for me…and for you… for these things to happen.

To the woman who wants a baby, I have ten things I want you to remember:

1. Your journey of becoming a mom is different than the norm, but that doesn’t make it any less special: In FACT, I think it makes it even MORE special. Through each negative pregnancy test and each tear in your eye. Through each shot in your belly and blood drawn from your arm. Through the days at doctors appointments and nights on your knees. Through your dreams and wishes and doubts and fears, YOU are something special.

2. It is worth it…I promise: For those of you, like me, who are moms, but are struggling to have another – you know what I mean when I say it is worth it. After several surgeries, four years of treatments, failed procedures and nearly six months of bed rest – I can tell you with all of my heart, it was worth it. It was worth it ALL. In fact, it was so worth it, that is why I am willing to try it all over again and hope that YOU will too.

3. Take care of yourself: It is easy to get wrapped up in things to do and people to please – but the most important thing you can do right now is to take care of YOU. When you set yourself as a priority, you have more energy, you feel better mentally, physically and emotionally AND you will be able to find joy. This struggle is extremely hard on your body and mind, so taking care of YOU is the best thing you can do.

4. You can do hard things: Sometimes we are asked to do a lot more in this life than we think we can handle. You may have to try and fail and try again. You may have to fall and pick yourself up again. You may have to run faster, even though you are out of breath. You may have to keep going, even though you don’t think you can go any further. You may have to do what seems to be impossible, because it actually might end up being possible. And most importantly you should always remember to keep moving towards where you want to be, no matter what is in front of you.

5. It is normal to feel exhausted: “Trying” is exhausting. There are articles to read, apps that will tell you when it is “time”, lists of foods people will tell you to eat, medications you can take, oils that you can rub, doctors that you can see and a million things you can do that have worked for other people so you will want to try them too. And with every passing day, you will be tired. You will be ready to give up on it all. You will ask yourself, “Is it even worth all of this?!”

6. It is okay to be sad: In fact, sometimes a good cry is healthy. Your life is really, really hard. And every day, you are going through one of the hardest trials. I suggest to allow yourself to be sad for 10 minutes every morning. You can cry and have your own pity party for yourself. But after those 10 minutes are up, I encourage you to pick yourself up and focus on something else.

7. Everyone is different: Be careful not to compare yourself or your story with ANYONE else’s. Every situation is different. Every story is unique. You write yours – and they will write theirs. What works for them, may not work for you. Do what is best for YOU and what you are comfortable with. We each have our own struggles and trials and we all will handle things that come our way differently.

8. Things don’t always work out…and that is okay: That is a tough one to say. I hope you will remember that everything happens for a reason…even if we do not understand the reasoning at this moment. Jeffrey R. Holland said, “Don’t you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don’t come until heaven…but they come.”

9. You aren’t alone: And you NEVER ever will be. It is important to talk about your struggle and to find other women or couples that are going through this too. I promise you are not the only one.

10. It isn’t easy: Lastly, I hope you will remember that it isn’t easy. It is NOT. And with every passing day, it might even get harder. But I know for a fact, that the greatest things in life, are truly worth waiting for. And a baby is THE greatest thing… so even if it isn’t easy… it will be worth it.

This post is dedicated to all women who struggle with infertility on a daily basis. I want each of you to know that you are not alone and miracles do happen. 

Author Info

Team Owlet

We cannot recognize everyone who contributes to our posts. Some posts come as a result of a team effort.

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10 thoughts on “To The Woman Who Wants A Baby

kylee.haas@aol.com'

Kye

This may be a nonsensical “book” of a comment but I have been struggling with this concept for some time. With the holidays passing and other reminders (some listed above) always knocking, I find my self fighting to face basic daily endeavors. Some may say I’m depressed, and in reality a few people have asked. However, I personally do not like to think of my self in this manner. Anyhow, I (like many others) sometimes find columns such as these to find comfort and while usually inspiring it never honestly really lifts any anguish.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive since we were married four years ago. I have had four miscarriages, each roughly six to eight months apart. After multiple doctors treated me like a lab rat, I was left to be told each time it was “bad luck”. I had given up hope but the ache of my losses sank deeper and admittedly continue to. Roughly eight months ago I found yet another doctor, this doctor unlike the rest actually found the cause of all my misfortune. The out come gave me a bit of comfort from such deep contempt I now admittedly held against myself. However, it’s now been a year and a half since my last loss, eight months with a plan and yet still nothing. My sorrows grow deeper penitrating infathomable depths in my psyche. Everyday I yearn for the miraculous news, obsess over having a child, what life would be like. I’m thoroughly convinced I am meant to bare children. I do try to remind my self everything happens in due time. But even knowing there’s a time for everything doesn’t help fill the hole dug in sarrow.

With all of this, I morn my losses with tear filled eyes, along with stories of losses or hardships others endure as well. In a way I feel we are all sisters of tragedy and only we can half way understand the pain of another. So thank you for these words of hope, and sense of community! Goodluck to all of the women and family’s struggling with the hopes of new life and thank you for reading about mine.

ishleen2011@gmail.com'

IKT

I am so sorry to hear that. I am going through the same pain. I can’t imagine what you are going through as I have never been pregnant. All my fertility cycles have failed. I would not wish miscarriage upon anyone. I hope you can find peace and strength to deal with this just as much as all of us in this trying to conceive our miracle are.

beconley314@gmail.com'

Liz C

Thank you. I really needed to read this today. Last night I broke down bawling because the struggle is indeed very real. I know I’m not alone though. So, thank you for this post.

Mrs MK

Its been 8 yrs being married my husband n me both are suffering from the pain. Been there n done that different doctors numerous test, medications, n surgery.. Still hoping.. Keeping eachothr strong… Its not our time yet… God has planned evrything.. A right time for the blessing of a baby…. Already have blessed me wit such caring husband… To all the couples facing this hardship… Keep eachother strong, have patience.. More n more of it n care for each other…

amandarodriguez21@aol.com'

Amanda

My hubby and I have been trying for a year already…I’ve been diagnosed with pcos and my god these months have been heartbreaking for me…I fell into a deep depression because I just cant wrap my mind around all of the things the dr has told me…I dont understand how my 1st pregnancy happened in a month and now trying for baby #2 seems impossible!! It definitely hurts to see those around you announcing and then those who get pregnant and dont even want to be a mommy…I thank god I was able to carry one beautiful girl and I pray that he allows me to carry another child. This post made me cry but I definitely need the encouragement as I have my HSG test on Tuesday….

yvettesoto10@yahoo.com'

Yvette

Thank you for sharing. Husband and I been married for 8 years and still trying for a baby. It is very hard to see family members and friends with Baby. I think to myself I guess I’m not good enough for a baby. I believe one day God will Bless my husband and I with a baby. Please pray for us.

Maggie

This is so important and I thank you for writing it. My husband and I have been trying for over 2 years… treatments…drugs..doctors and tests. Some days seem impossible. I needed to read this today and I am certain so many other women did too. Keep fighting and holding on ladies-our stories have much more to go.

kiansmom.mm@gmail.com'

Megan

I have a 9 year old boy that is not my husband’s. We have been married 5 years and last May we finally became pregnant only to have to say goodbye to our son an hour and 36 minutes after we met him. We could never afford fertility treatments and are sitting here wondering what our next step is. I thank you for writing this. It helps remind me I need to remember I’m not alone.

pepe.ameredith@gmail.com'

Angela

Thank you for sharing this. Me and my husband has been married for 3 years were still struggling to have a baby. But hopefully will be able to anytime soon.

joyceadjei2001@yahoo.com'

Joyce Adjei

I am very grateful for this advice ,I have gone through hell and emotional instability just to get pregnant ,failed procedures ,but am not giving up,with God all things are possible