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You Know You’re Pregnant When…

Picture this… you’re pregnant, swathed in the most beautiful, ethereal gown you can imagine, exuding the glow of a thousand suns. You know, you’re basically having a Beyonce moment. You knew the minute you became pregnant because you have the innate maternal instinct of all of the mothers who have come before you.

Or… not.

In reality, pregnancy is a little less idealized than what I described above. And, while there will always be magical moments during your pregnancy, there will be a whole lot more humorous ones. So today, I’m presenting you with a funny little list that’ll hopefully put a smile on your face. Here it goes…

You Know You’re Pregnant When…

1. Your ability to locate places to throw up discretely is as intricate and well thought-out as your wedding (or future wedding) planning was.

2. Your sense of smell is so discerning, you know exactly what perfume the lady down the street is wearing, while simultaneously being able to pick up hints of all of the exhaust fumes emanating from your city at any given moment.

3. Your cravings become so specific, you have to try ordering things online because your supermarket doesn’t carry mangoes in the middle of December. Or chocolate dipped pickles. Ever. Though that’s a great DIY project if you’re up for it.

4. Your belly becomes a shelf for everything from your plate to a good book to your other child’s sippy cup.

5. You happen to know which fast food establishments are open 24 hours a day, and which serve ice cream. For science, of course.

6. You wake up at least ten times per night because baby thinks it’s funny to kick your bladder. You also may or may not have invested in a waterproof mattress pad for undisclosed reasons.

7. You cry at the advertisement/commercial for Mr. Clean. Because the way he scrubbed that toilet was just so beautiful.

8. You get stared at wherever you go, and it always takes you a minute to realize it’s not because you’ve worn your pants backwards.

9. You occasionally wear your pants backwards. Because sometimes jeggings are ambiguously designed.

10. You’re thirsty ALL. THE. TIME. Which means you have to go to the bathroom ALL. THE. TIME. You might as well put your pillow, a blanket, and some snacks in there because you’re pretty much living in your bathroom.

11. You lose sight of your toes and thus aren’t aware that it’s been a VERY long time since you’ve clipped your toenails.

12. You lose sight of pretty much everything beneath your burgeoning belly… so you may be having a bit of a hairy moment in the leg region.

13. Your other kids all of the sudden want to be held constantly. Even when they’re ten.

14. You get really irritated when you can’t use anything strong enough to actually get rid of your pregnancy acne. Because smashed up avocados are not cutting it.

15. You try to bend over and need help getting back up. Every. Single. Time.

What are some of the funniest pregnancy moments you’ve experienced? 

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